#11

Adaptation - Spike Jonze (2002)

Do I have an original thought in my head? My bald head. Maybe if I were happier my hair wouldn't be falling out. Life is short. I need to make the most of it. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm a walking cliché. I really need to go to the doctor and have my leg checked. There's something wrong. A bump. The dentist called again. I'm way overdue. If I stop putting things off I would be happier. All I do is sit on my fat ass. If my ass wasn't fat I would be happier. I wouldn't have to wear these shirts with the tails out all the time. Like that's fooling anyone. Fat ass. I should start jogging again. Five miles a day. Really do it this time. Maybe rock climbing. I need to turn my life around. What do I need to do? I need to fall in love. I need to have a girlfriend. I need to read more and prove myself. What if I learned Russian or something, or took up an instrument. I could speak Chinese. I'd be the screenwriter who speaks Chinese and plays the oboe. That would be cool. I should get my hair cut short. Stop trying to fool myself and everyone else into thinking I have a full head of hair. How pathetic is that. Just be real. Confident. Isn't that what women are attracted to? Men don't have to be attractive. But that's not true. Especially these days. Almost as much pressure on men as there is on women these days. Why should I be made to feel I have to apologize for my existence? Maybe it's my brain chemistry. Maybe that's what's wrong with me. Bad chemistry. All my problems and anxiety can be reduced to a chemical imbalance or some kind of misfiring synapses. I need to get help for that. But I'll still be ugly though. Nothing's going to change that.

***

- There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.

- Oh, God. I was so in love with her.

- I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was really sweet to you.

- I remember that.

- Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti. It was like they were making fun of me. You didn't know at all. You seemed so happy.

- I knew. I heard them.

- How come you looked so happy?

- I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn't have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.

- She thought you were pathetic.

- That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago.

***

It's over. Everything, I did everything wrong. I want my life back. I want it back before everything got fucked up. I want to be a baby again. I want to be new. I want to be new.

***

- Look, I'll tell you a story, alright? I once feel deeply, profoundly in love with tropical fish. Had 60 goddamn fish tanks in my house. I skin dived to find just the right ones. Then one day I say "Fuck fish". I renounce fish. I vow never to set foot in that ocean again. And there hasn't been a time where I have stuck so much as a toe back in that ocean. That's how much fuck fish.

- But why?
- Done with fish.

***

- You know why I like plants?

- Nuh uh.

- Because they're so mutable. Adaptation is a profound process. Means you figure out how to thrive in the world.

- Yeah, but it's easier for plants. I mean they have no memory. They just move on to whatever's next. With a person though, adapting is almost shameful. It's like running away.

***

I can see your sadness. It's lovely.

***

Point is, what's so wonderful is that every one of these flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it. There's a certain orchid look exactly like a certain insect so the insect is drawn to this flower, its double, its soul mate, and wants nothing more than to make love to it. And after the insect flies off, spots another soul-mate flower and makes love to it, thus pollinating it. And neither the flower nor the insect will ever understand the significance of their lovemaking. I mean, how could they know that because of their little dance the world lives? But it does. By simply doing what they're designed to do, something large and magnificent happens. In this sense they show us how to live -how the only barometer you have is your heart. How, when you spot your flower, you can't let anything get in your way.

***

I suppose I do have one unembarrassed passion. I want to know how it feels to care about something passionately.

***

There are too many ideas and too many people. And too many directions to go. I was starting to believe that the reason it matters to care passionately about something, is that it whittles the world down to a more manageable size.

Trailer: